chuanq.in - The Chapel Speech

The Chapel Speech

Chuan Gary Qin

Wickenden Chapel, Tabor Academy, Marion, MA

May 23, 2019

To Mr. Howland and everyone with a pair of ears , two eyes , a mind that travels , and a heart that cares

Part 1 - Mirror

You are about to begin listening to Gary Qin’s chapel speech. Relax. Concentrate. Dispel every

other thought. Forget about the tests that you are going to take, or the remaining block of classes you will

teach today. Let the world around you fade.

You close your eyes. You feel helpless and senseless. Suddenly, a charge of electricity shoots

from the bottom of your feet all the way to your heart and brain. Before you open your eyes, your mind

has already taken off. The separation of your mind from your physical self allows you to be in two places

at the same time. Now, it is you, the listener physically present in the Wickenden Chapel, trapped,

listening to Gary Qin’s chapel speech, versus you, your soul that bursts through the colorful glass to the

outside world. Feet planted on the lower chapel field, you lose consciousness as if a flash of lightning

strikes you. Instantly, you float up to the sky, travel through the arc of space and time, and…

And… as you arrive at your destination, your senses gradually restore. You are laying on the

ground in the heart of a forest, and the absence of light creates an immense hollowness in the center of

your soul.

You spend the next few hours all alone. In the darkness, you try to solve the three most essential

questions about life: where do you come from, what are you, and where are you going? As the moon rises

up to gleam through the broad canopies of the trees, light finally shines upon you. The rise of the moon

explains that you are still on planet earth.

You see a mirror just the size of your face right next to you. You drag your body in front of the

mirror; your self-reflection reassures you that you are still you. However, as you move the mirror around,

everything else you see is different from your preconceptions. Trees become endlessly tall. Day is night,

roses are blue, violets are red, rain comes not from the top of the sky but from below your feet. You

become convinced that you have just arrived in the parallel universe in another dimension; or, the

newniverse. Here, it is your mirror that allows you to look and think from a different perspective. When

new perspectives emerge from the mirror, your gloomy world finally brightens up.

You learn that duality empowers everything in life. In the mirror, the duo images of your soul and

the reflection of your soul are exactly the same but completely different. The mirror holds a balance

between pure magic and realism, nihilism and existentialism, and the tangible and the intangible. It is the

gateway to both the past and the future. Your mirror represents the first of three most important dualities

in life. Stuck between the truth of the past and the uncertainty of the future, you realize that in the world

of perspectives, the past is not always true and future is not always uncertain. With satisfaction about your

discovery, you let your soul rest in the newniverse, holding the mirror with your left hand…

Part 2 - Sword

You wake up… with the mirror in your left hand and a silver-bladed sword in your right. The sun

is right above the horizon, but you have every reason to believe that back where you belong –– the old

universe –– it is already nighttime. As you wonder where did the sword come from and why you are

holding it now, you notice that you are not alone in the forest.

Monkeys the size of elephants are climbing up and down the trees. You hear the voice of horses

stomping and men shouting. You stand up, quickly move to the nearest tree, and bow down to hide. You

wonder, who are these people, do they speak your language, what are they going to do with you? The

very next moment you see two horses sprinting at you like a flash. The men on the horses are armored

warriors; They draw their swords, ready to attack. Intimidated, you yell at them. They fail to respond.

You dream about the potential consequences: if your soul dies, does your body –– the listener’s body ––

disappear as well? Prepared for the worst possible situation, you decide to be the bravest person in the

world at that very moment. You put your mirror on the ground next to the tree and point your sword at the

first warrior that comes at you.

Before the warrior can react, the tip of your sword has already penetrated his chest. You are

astonished by your superpower. Going on a roll, you soon finished off the second warrior with your

sword. Before you can enjoy your victory, a sense of agonizing pain suddenly strikes your body. In the

newniverse, you can feel every physical and emotional change you inflict on others. It is the ultimate way

of inspiring your empathy. As you fall down to the ground just like the two warriors, the blend of pain

and triumph puts you to sleep.

You begin to dream about the past as you fall asleep. You dream about the first day you arrived at

Tabor Academy, looking forward to the years ahead; you dream about playing your favorite sport with

your friends; you dream about recording your colorful life with your camera, turning every moment into

eternity; you dream about the feeling of being in love… You believe that everything is perfect

somewhere in the newniverse: where you will never be away from your friends, where the people you

love the most will never hurt you, where each moment is eternity… The vicarious pleasure reflect the

cruel actuality of this moment –– your soul in pain, your body stuck in the chapel, while your fantasies

will only come true in your dream. Memory is a double-edged sword, your favorite companion, your

fiercest enemy. Recalling your past allows you to reminisce the joyous moments in life but also makes you

realize that time only travels forward.

As you dream along, you learn about the second duality during your journey: ensnared between

the beauty of fantasy and the cruelty of reality, you come to believe that your world is boundless with

imagination, and that you can turn even the most distant fantasy into reality with bravery.

Part 3 - Shield

You wake up feeling dizzy and heavy. You look around in the forest. Warriors are equipped with

crossbows, seeking revenge. Thousands of them, in all directions. A wooden shield is mounted on your

left wrist. The warriors release the arrows at the same time. Just before they hit you and your shield, your

world pauses. Walking on a thin line between life and death, victory and suffering, you achieve the final

epiphany of your journey in the newniverse.

Your shield is a symbol of many things in life. Communism is a shield, covering the darkness of

humanity from its people. Nature is a shield, protecting the signs of its own destruction by showcasing its

most amazing beauty. Your shield is two-sided: keeping death away from life, hatred away from love,

terror away from peace, one universe from the other.

During that moment of calm before the storm, you finally learn that there are two feelings that all

people feel but are almost never mentioned: the fear of death, and the feeling that everybody you meet

experience a life different from yours. You recall the countless times you lay on your bed long past

midnight, looking at the ceiling of your room in darkness, thinking that one day you will leave the world

behind. What happens in the afterlife? You wonder. The sense of fear causes you to shiver. Or… the time

you walk past a stranger, look him or her in their eyes, wondering what is that person thinking, seeing,

and believing? You wonder why you are you but not somebody else.

It is that very moment as you conclude that your body and your soul are separable but

irreplaceable when your journey in the newniverse comes to an end. You travel through your mirror back

to the old universe just before the arrows hit you. Your soul is back with your physical self in the chapel,

11 minutes have passed by, although those 11 minutes probably felt like forever to you. You embarked on

a timeless journey from a familiar place to a foreign field, from darkness to light, vagueness to clarity…

from the farthest place you will ever know but also the closest: the edge of the world and the deepest

corner of your soul. During the journey you learned about the importance of perspectives, dream, bravery,

and empathy; you learned about the significance of enriching your soul through suffering, finding

happiness, and discovering the meaning of your existence.

Does every story need a beginning and an end? You wonder. The answer is yes; but every ending

might as well be a new beginning for another story, a new chapter. Just like a river, your life’s journey

flows and flows. Every moment it appears to be the same, but the water is always new. Is everything that

exists a part of a duality? You wonder. Probably… Just like the speech, which has nothing about the

speaker but everything in it is about the speaker; which has nothing about the listener but everything in it

is about the listener…

You open your eyes. You are a part of a brand new world. You hold the key to life, preparing for

your journey ahead with your eyes that can see, ears that can listen, a mind that travels, a heart that cares.

Your neighbor turn to you: “C’mon bro, aren’t you tired of listening, it’s dining hall cereal time!” You

reply, “Just one more moment...” With a blink of an eye, you realize that you have almost finished

listening to Gary Qin’s chapel speech. You probably already know what the last, and potentially the most

important, duality is. Trapped in the cognitive dissonance between the continuity of life and the

inevitability of death, you decide to live at the very present, to not let your fears thwart you, and to live a

life you will remember. Viva La Vida.

Dénouement

"Viva La Vida" –– Coldplay

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning, I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never, never a honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was a wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh, who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Calvary choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Acknowledgments

I sat next to Mr. Howland in chapel during my sophomore year. He noticed that I would always

put my head down and close my eyes when somebody was speaking in chapel,

since I was not regularly popping the idea of "sleeping at night".

One day, Mr. Howland asked me out of curiosity and concern: “Gary, do you not get enough sleep?”

I replied to him with a blatant lie, “I didn’t fall asleep... that was a good speech.”

Mr. Howland said: “Yes it was! Think about what you are going to speak in

chapel in two years.” A sentence as simple as that inspired me to cherish my life and be more observant

and caring about the things, and people, around me. I began to read, imagine, see, and listen, trying to remember all

the moments that appeal to me. Ultimately I wanted to create something that each and every listener

can relate to, instead of listing life stories before the crowd, which, more or less,

felt like casting pearls before swine. Nevertheless, It was Mr. Howland’s call to action

that allowed me to knit the elements in my life together to create this speech.

Even though the speech itself is original, some of its ideas and theories are inspired by many

people and works. These include, but are not limited to:

Italo Calvino and If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler

Haruki Murakami and Kafka on the Shore

Victor Frankl and Man’s Search for Meaning

Milan Kundera and The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Mikhail Bulgakov and The Master and Margarita

Hermann Hesse and Siddhartha

Charles Johnson and Middle Passage

Coldplay and “Viva La Vida”

Aristotle

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Neil deGrasse Tyson

I would like to thank Ms. Gardiner and Mr. Quirk kindly for making this happen.

This is my eulogy commemorating what will eventually be the best four years of my life.

So, thank you, Tabor Academy, my forever home. All-A-Taut-O.

Thank you all.